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It's not about the money

As tax day has come and gone this year, I have time to reflect on my earnings, and what I feel is some of the most honest money I’ve earned during my career. My income from publishing my first interactive book in 2013, was a very modest $36.00, or something close to that. I haven’t even added it up actually.

scooby-journey

I’m not ashamed of that salary for the year, I look at that as possibly the first honest money I’ve made. I’m not saying I’ve cheated or stolen. I’m saying that sometimes I feel my salary was for questionable causes. I worked for architects with questionable ethics, movies that are intended as crack for children and make hundreds of millions of dollars so that studio execs can get bigger homes and better cars. More than once that kind of work had me questioning what I was doing at the end of the day, and why I was dedicating so much energy to it. There were a string of furry creatures, car commercials, mediocre Arnold Schwartzenegger films, hyper active animated films.

I struggled with this idea at times. My value, my voice had been replaced with a monetary value. My paycheck and status at visual effects companies replacing my own personal ideas over the years. To me, a poor kid from New Jersey, the money was dependable and enticing and that felt good, that incentive superseded my own personal goals.

SixthDay-journey

Gradually over the years I’ve shifted out of visual effects, the last real work being for the Discovery channel in 2009 (thanks Joel!). It’s probably little coincidence that my last visual effects project happened when my wife was giving birth to my second son, Asher. As we shifted into a larger family, I was shifting more into a role of spending more time with my family.

Since then we committed to home-schooling our sons. My wife and I both work at home, and split our time, neither of us putting in your standard work week. Our life looks much different than it could have, if I stayed the course in Los Angeles. It would have trapped us into one mode of life that didn’t agree with our life choices, and in the end the industry collapsed which would have left us few options.

Over the years, I’ve also shifted more into video game work, as well as teaching and writing again, at least I tried to do my own work while teaching, but teaching as many people know takes a lot of dedication for very little compensation.

aslan-journey

A little over a year ago I left my Head of Game Art position, to focus on family and my own illustrating, writing, and still tinkering with personal games. I enjoyed teaching students, but in the end the message I got from the college was that they wanted more, and still more of my time. I wasn’t valued for the expertise and dedication I brought to the college, but was seen as someone who needed to sit in an office, and at meetings for more hours.

I did something that I should have done many times before in my career, when working with the architect with questionable ethics, and on the movies sucking my life away, and now the college with questionable practices.

I quit.

Two months later, I published my first interactive book Ten Monkey Marbles on the iPad, and since then I have been working on game ideas, my own books, and spending more time with my family.

My earnings are small, modest, inconsequential I hear you say.

Laugh heartily, it’s okay. I feel proud of what I am doing, and spend much of my time on personal projects, which I hope to steadily release over time, on a time-table that agrees with living my life and being available to my family. The bottom line is that I’m feeling like life is more about the journey now, not the destination, not the paycheck. Yes there are definitely days I struggle. I often spend many hours still recovering from the Colorado flood, which is still exhausting work, but eventually that work will be over.

In the end I still believe that there is something valuable in what I’m creating, that isn’t reflected in how much it is or is not earning right now, and has more to do with the value of contributing art that is personal in some way.

The choice that many indie artists, indie game creators, and children’s book writers have is between despair, and perseverance. So many despair and give up. If we persevere, we can take time to enjoy the journey, keeping in mind that often the most important things we do in our lives, are not about making money.

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