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Life is what happens

I’ve spent three weeks now on dusty detours away from my studio. Between trying to restore gardens, barn cleanup, installing the new pump system and designing the barn restoration post flood, my plate has been more than full.

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While working on the barn this week I came to the realization that there is more damage to the floor than I cared to admit, and that means I’m likely the contractor who will be rebuilding the barn, because I won’t be receiving enough money to hire someone with the insurance money, just enough to buy materials. This was quite a blow to me to realize this as I had basically finished the barn just before the flood and now I’m not only looking at rebuilding it, but doing the somewhat daunting task of demolition to parts I’ve constructed.

I realize now that it won’t be days or weeks before I can get back to personal work, but likely months with little dives here and there into my work. It’s a bitter pill to swallow, and has made me grouchy and depressed as I try to press through the work at hand.

With my wife Sheryl’s help, I realize I need to slow down, this is all going to take more recovery time, and I need to embrace it more, resent it less.

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sigh. I’m not good at this I admit.

I want this thing to be done so I can get on with doing my “real” work, or you know, figuring out what my real work is supposed to be. So I work on the yard, and the designs and then try getting work done starting at midnight on illustrating books or creating games.

I put a lot of pressure on myself to get everything restored, while figuring out what I’m going to be when I grow up, and it’s taking it’s toll on me.

So where does this leave me? The last couple weeks I decided to abandon using Sketchup as a means to design the barn changes, and use Maya instead which has made me much happier, but there are still some challenges left as I get orthos and perspective images ready to print.

original view of open stable.

original view of open stable.

It’s hard to let go of expectations as days, weeks and then months trickle by dustily. I’m trying to let go today, or rather embrace, and in doing so wanted to share my drawings of the project I try to keep at arms length, the stable workshop renovation.

This is what I’m working on right now, maybe I should be more proud of it.

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